I Need Hugs

I'm scared. Very scared. My condition is rapidly worsening; today I was verbally exploding right, left, and center. I didn't (still don't) want this to get worse, so I called my doctor.

He doesn't know what to do, and wants to find me a specialist.

Now I'm scared.

Almost There...

I am almost done with my pre-study-hall to-do list for today. I just have to interview our new Director of Residential Life for the school paper and then I can collapse. I've done a mediocre job on everything, but at least it's done. So. Little. Energy...and zero motivation.

Desperate

And...we're back to square one. I need help. Symptoms are worsening, and I'm scared. No one thinks I can go into a full blown episode on all my meds, but it's been a week and a half and the symptoms are not going away. (In fact, they're getting more dramatic.) I am becoming quite the actress as I work to keep up the facade: the "everything's OK" face, getting my homework done, paying attention in class. I am trying not to lean on people; in fact, I am avoiding most people except for "John" and "Lucy", and sometimes "Mike" and "Cheri" (newer friends). I can't post more here because it gets too personal, but pray for a miracle, please!

Feeling Better, Working Hard

The good news is that, having stopped my caffeine supplement, I feel fine psychiatrically.

Now the emotional work begins: the crying, the hugging, the memories.

It's been a tough week.

Badness

I am not feeling well again.

It's not a steady sickness; it fluctuates. Every day I have a collection of "moments."

And today was a very long day. I have been counting down the minutes to bed time since 9:00-ish.

Wonderful News, Awful News

First, the most wonderful news:

GRADY HAS A FAMILY!!!

Secondly, my bipolar brain is misbehaving (just slightly) again. I really thought this was over. I wanted it to be over.

Torn

So many hurting people in the world...so many ways to help...such limited resources...

My heart hurts.

I am saving money to donate to help Grady, while hundreds of other children languish without hope.

And Haiti and Chile need help.

And Soles 4 Souls could always use more shoes.

I feel so limited.

Perhaps you could help too?