Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My Stupid Psychiatrist...

...has dumped me off on my mother (also a psychiatrist). He is uncomforable raising my medications because of potential side effects like sudden death (next to impossible). He refuses to take suggestions from my mother and just wants to get rid of me.

But my mother is fighting this battle for me, so I will just sit back and survive.

Tell me how I can be this sick (real mania, real depression) despite two mood stabilizers and two antipsychotics! This should not be happening.

Monday, August 30, 2010

I Need Hugs

I'm scared. Very scared. My condition is rapidly worsening; today I was verbally exploding right, left, and center. I didn't (still don't) want this to get worse, so I called my doctor.

He doesn't know what to do, and wants to find me a specialist.

Now I'm scared.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Almost There...

I am almost done with my pre-study-hall to-do list for today. I just have to interview our new Director of Residential Life for the school paper and then I can collapse. I've done a mediocre job on everything, but at least it's done. So. Little. Energy...and zero motivation.

Saturday, August 28, 2010


And...we're back to square one. I need help. Symptoms are worsening, and I'm scared. No one thinks I can go into a full blown episode on all my meds, but it's been a week and a half and the symptoms are not going away. (In fact, they're getting more dramatic.) I am becoming quite the actress as I work to keep up the facade: the "everything's OK" face, getting my homework done, paying attention in class. I am trying not to lean on people; in fact, I am avoiding most people except for "John" and "Lucy", and sometimes "Mike" and "Cheri" (newer friends). I can't post more here because it gets too personal, but pray for a miracle, please!

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Feeling Better, Working Hard

The good news is that, having stopped my caffeine supplement, I feel fine psychiatrically.

Now the emotional work begins: the crying, the hugging, the memories.

It's been a tough week.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


I am not feeling well again.

It's not a steady sickness; it fluctuates. Every day I have a collection of "moments."

And today was a very long day. I have been counting down the minutes to bed time since 9:00-ish.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Wonderful News, Awful News

First, the most wonderful news:


Secondly, my bipolar brain is misbehaving (just slightly) again. I really thought this was over. I wanted it to be over.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


So many hurting people in the world...so many ways to help...such limited resources...

My heart hurts.

I am saving money to donate to help Grady, while hundreds of other children languish without hope.

And Haiti and Chile need help.

And Soles 4 Souls could always use more shoes.

I feel so limited.

Perhaps you could help too?

Sunday, August 15, 2010

New Purchases (from Parents)

I am so blessed for this school year:

3 New Notebooks
1 New Pack Pens
5 New Pairs Socks
1 Water Bottle
1 Pack Detergent Sheets


I suppose the camera was not, strictly speaking, necessary, but this is my senior year after all.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

A New Picture of Grady

My New Charity Project

Some of you may remember Grady, whom I mentioned several months ago. For new readers and those who do not remember, Reece's Rainbow is an organization that helps disabled children around the world find families in the US and Canada. The organization also matches children with Prayer Warriors, whose job it is to "pray them home." I was matched with Grady approximately five months ago, and have been praying for him ever since.

Each child on Reece's Rainbow has an adoption grant fund to help prospective families afford the adoption. At the top of each page is a Donations button; click on it to make a paypal donation and then send an email specifying the child for whom you are donating. My current project is to raise, save, or receive via birthday and Hannukah gifts, money to donate to Grady's grant fund.

To see a picture of Grady go to reecesrainbow.com. Click on Waiting Children, Other Angels, Boys, and scroll down about five boys. Grady is the one who currently has about 670 dollars in his account.

Let's bring Grady home together!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Two nights ago, I donated 13 dollars saved from the school year, 10 dollars I earned from my parents for washing dishes, and 5 dollars of my parents' money to American Jewish World Service to help Haiti. That's 23 dollars of my own, worked for money, and donating it was the most amazing feeling ever.