Ranting

Another episode starting.

Why? Why now?

Very simple.

I missed some sleep.

Yes, you read that correctly. For ONE night, I got slightly less than enough sleep. ONCE.

And now I'm entering a mild episode, requring a temporary medication change to fix.

Why am I so emotionally strong but mentally fragile?

Giving Thanks

I have so much for which to be thankful this year. I have my health, my family, my home, and my friends.

I think most of all I am thankful for my friends. I have a dozen friends--I counted--half of whom go to school with me. For someone who as a little girl had at most two friends at a time, this is no small thing. I don't use real names (except for mine) on my blogs to protect people's identities, and I cannot possibly come up with twelve nicknames (the individuals so nicknamed would not recognize themselves anyway), but I love. my. friends.

Thank you, God.

Home!

Here I am. blogging from my room at home. Break time is such a blessing. I am enjoying a quiet day, just relaxing, with nothing I have to get done (probably my only day like that, besides Shabbat, this break). In a little bit I will go grocery shopping with my father so I can pick out vegetables for salads.

Going Home!

In twenty minutes I am heading home for Thanksgiving! 6:05 pm flight, arrive home 10:57 pm. SO excited! Sorry about missing a couple days of posting; my computer would not let me access blogger.

Finals Status

Math: Done. I think I did better than I expected.
Hebrew: Presented my project early this afternoon.
Biology: Tomorrow morning. I only got three hours of studying done; if I prayed for frivolous things, I would be praying now!
English: Tomorrow afternoon. I studied for about an hour to an hour and a half; I think I'll manage.
Psychology: Wednesday afternoon. I'll have lots of time to study for that one.
Death, Dying, and the Afterlife: Thursday morning. Open notes.

Will keep you posted!

Math Final Coming Up Tomorrow

I thought I was totally lost...then I went to the review session with my teacher and now I feel that I might actually be fine as long as I take my time. We will see tomorrow.

Triggers

NOTE TO SELF: Stop watching anti-bullying Youtube videos! All they do is trigger memories!

Happy

I had a happy day today. I am still obssessed with my past, still feeling driven to talk about it, but I am neither sad, angry, nor scared. I feel better.

Ten Minutes to Bedtime...

...I feel ready to be done with this lsat memory, but I am obssessing over it. That tells me that I am not done.

But I am taking care of my inner child, and I can begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel again.

Ten Bullet Points

• Hebrew project well underway.
• Began processing awful memory today. Feeling ripped open and vulnerable.
• Don't know how well I'll sleep tonight.
• Nine days until Thanksgiving break.
• Have four final exams, one open note exam, and a project coming up.
• Got two new pencils today.
• Going to bed early tonight.
• Got Senior pictures taken this week.
• Did not do any studying for finals today.
• My favorite color is purple.

Reading Week Day 1

Flashcard Status: Biology and Math complete. Psych and English next.

Reading Assignments Status: Hebrew reading finished. Notes for Death Dying and the Afterlife finished. Now to work on Hebrew book report.

Guess What?!

I got into college!!!!!!!!!!!

...that is all.

The Memory

So I guess I missed posting on Friday, but I am picking up again.

I know what will happen with that memory. It will be present and a little bit painful until I can find time and space to begin processing it, at which point it will be very present and very painful for a while, until it fades into the background. I'm trying to decide whether to start processing it now so it will go away sooner, or wait until after break so it won't interrupt finals.

Recovering...

It's going to take a few days for me to feel like myself again after last night. That awful memory is still too fresh for a quick "recovery" from feeling it.

Too Many Memories

Tonight here at school we had a program on school bullying. I have a long history with that, one I prefer to forget and/or shove aside. I couldn't tonight. Video clips of hallways, bus rides...way too many memories. Overwhelming.

Day 2

Not much to write about today. In a couple of minutes I am going to go work on a Hebrew worksheet. Then I am going to eat dinner, revise an English essay and study for a Sports Medicine test. feeling homesick today.

National Blog Posting Month

November is National Blog Posting Month, when one tries to blog once a day. For today, I have nothing to say except comgratulations to my school's cross country and boys' basketball teams who represented our school very well at States (cross country) and a tournament against other Jewish schools (basketball). Go Teams!