Monday, December 27, 2010

Two Conversations I Never Thought I'd Have

1. How far away from home do I want to go to college? What if I have a mental health crisis while I'm there? Fortunately, all my chosen schools are in driing distance, but just in case I am really sick at the end of the Summer, I am also applying to the school that is in walking distance from my house. I never thought I would apply there. It felt too close to home; now there is no such thing as too close to home.

2. Do I want to have biological children? Statistically, bipolar disorder gets worse with each generation. Before last week, I would have said that I was mostly stable, that I wanted kids, and that they could handle it. I was so sick last week that I do not want to subject a child to that or worse. Besides, there is always preschool onset bipolatr disorder, a possibility about which I would need to worry. I believe right now that having biological children would be nothing short of selfish. It would be heart-breaking not to, but I can always adopt, and I really don't want anyone to experience worse bipolar disorder than mine.

I never thought I'd be sick enough to have either of those conversations.

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