All right, everybody. I am being raw and real here. I am not hiding anything or holding anything back.
I am depressed, the worst I've felt this episode. I actually had to regularly stop studying tonight to curl up in fetal position and try to get rid of some of the pain. Depression is disabling. In an hour and half, I only took flashcards on six pages of notes. This is unbelievably slow for me.
I have tests next week, and I can still muster up the strength and presence of mind to be a little bit worried about my grades. It's lucky this didn't happen during finals week. It's lucky break is coming soon.
I feel awful, torn apart at the seams.
That is all.
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Depression IS disabling. I am in a very similar place at the moment. (And the report due in Monday isn't helping.)
ReplyDeleteAt my lowest point (I narrowly avoided being hospitalised as a danger to myself) it could take me an hour to tie my shoes. How I passed my A Levels I'll never quite understand.
I DID pass my A Levels though - and that's what I hold onto now. I got into uni despite being suicidal for most of the year, and with a pathetic attendance level.
My point is that YOU are strong - you have been through a lot in your short life, and you've managed it all. You'll get through this too - and you did manage to do some studying despite feeling so low, even if it's not as much as you'd like... You did SOME, which you should recognise as an achievement because, and I believe this sincerely, the way you're feeling at the moment, showering, eating and getting out of bed are all achievements.
Well done.
Don't forget that.
xxx