My therapist suggested I make a list of ways to describe myself, so I see that I am more than my disorder. I am going to make a one hundred item list. Here goes:
1. I am bipolar.
2. I am smart.
3. I am funny.
4. I can write all kinds of things well.
5. I am Jewish.
6. I am spiritual.
7. I care about the people around me.
8. I am not an animal person.
9. My favorite colors are purple, black, and brown.
10. I collect cabbage patch dolls.
11. I have three good friends at school.
12. I have five good friends outside school.
13. I go to boarding school.
14. I need a lot of emotional nourishment from the people around me.
15. I know how to give emotional nourishment in return.
16. If push comes to shove, I can stand admirably on my own two feet.
17. I love clementines and am fond of all fruit.
18. Peppers are the only vegetable I will not eat.
19. I would rather stick close to home than go off on adventures.
20. I like to read.
21. I have been to Israel and Canada.
22. In the continental US, I have been to Texas, Ohio, New York, Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Kansas, Missouri, Idaho, and Nebraska.
23. My favorite dessert is pie.
24. I prefer savory/spicy foods to sweet foods.
25. In my opinion, a bowl of chick peas with pepper and salt is a perfectly adequate lunch.
26. I have a woonderful immeciate family.
27. I am a sister.
28. I am a daughter.
29. Some day, I will be a wife and mother.
30. I have a friend.
31. I call my best home friend my "sock sister" because socks belong together and we grew up together, like sisters.
32. My best school friend is the most selfless, humble person I have ever met.
33. I can't wait to get back to school.
34. I love to sew and knit.
35. I just got done making myself a tallis.
36. Now I am working on the tallis bag.
37. I also plan to knit myself a scarf this winter.
38. I love to play in the snow and come in all wet and cold and drink a mug of hot chocolate.
39. I like to drink a cup of hot milk every night before bed.
40. Rascal Flatts and Tim McGraw are two of my favorite music artists.
41. Country music is my favorite genre.
42. I like to read children's fiction.
43. I also like to read Jewish philosophy.
44. My birthday is in February.
45. I hate physics.
46. I will turn seventeen this year.
47. I can never donate bone marrow.
48. This makes me extremely sad; it's the only dream I really needed to happen.
49. I am committed to finding another way to save lives.
50. I am short.
51. I wear glasses.
52. I have long, ripply, brown hair.
53. I sleep with my hair braided.
54. If I don't, my nice ripples turn into a ball of frizz.
55. My favorite foods are olives, grape leaves, dates, rice cakes, and bananas.
56. I like green and purple olives better than black ones.
57. Israel grows a particular kind of date considered to be the best in the world. I do not remember the name of this date.
58. I like my rice cakes plain or with jam.
59. I like my bananas best when there's still a little bit of green on the peel.
60. I speak much better Hebrew now than I did before I went to Israel.
61. I can read and write Hebrew very well considering it's my second language.
62. If people speak Hebrew slowly, I can understand almost every thing they say.
63. I understand much more Hebrew than I speak.
64. I have taken a year of Arabic.
65. Some day, I want to learn to speak Arabic as well as I speak Hebrew.
66. My middle name is Tovah.
67. I am named after two of my great-grandmothers.
68. I want to name a child Ruth.
69. I also love the names Nurit and Deborah for girls.
70. For boys I like Solomon, Saul, David, Nachman, and Barak.
71. I am firmly connected to my heritage.
72. I am absolutely determined to pass on Jewish tradition and religion to my children.
73. One day I would like to live in Israel.
74. I am lesbian.
75. I realized this on the first full day of my Israel trip.
76. I am not sure where to find my niche as an observant, lesbian Jew.
77. I have faith that my life will work out as God wants it.
78. I believe that in order for my life to work out as God wants it, I have to take steps to help myself.
79. I am a blogger.
80. This blog is one of my steps to help myself.
81. This blog is my declaration and commitment against being overwhelmed by sorrow and anguish.
82. I like to think hard about life.
83. I have had some amazing visions, demon fights, etc.
84. I get exhausted by the visions etc.
85. I have often wished I did not have visions, demon fights, etc.
86. I have left my body and lived to tell about it.
87. I was perfectly healthy at the time.
88. I have never been psychotic.
89. I have never had a vision when manic.
90. I love to wade in the creek near my house.
91. I need nature around me to be happy.
92. I believe all people are creations of God and should ideally be respected and cherished.
93. I believe we are all responsible for one another.
94. I dream of ways to save the world.
95. If I cannot save the world, individual lives will be fine too.
96. I want to major in psychology in college.
97. I also want to take courses in Jewish studies, philosophy, theology, and theater.
98. I have two brothers.
99. My parents are married and in love.
100. I am overly obsessed with my younger brother.